Sleepless in Malibu
by Brittana
Summary: Mark and Steve cannot sleep after what happened in "Alienated." After dropping Jesse off at his apartment, they discuss the horrors of what happened leading up to the conclusion of Jesse's ordeal.


**Author's Notes:** This story starts right after Alienated episode ends. This has spoilers in it if you haven't watched the episode. In the episode, Jesse goes missing from a cabin for five days and thinks he has been abducted by aliens when really is it was a pharmaceutical company trying to discredit his reputation. Strongly suggest watching the episode before reading.

 **Sleepless in Malibu**

It had been late after leaving Jesse Travis's apartment and Mark's body was completely exhausted. When he had finally made it home and dressed for the night, his body had simply collapsed haphazardly into his bed letting his bones slowly crackle into place and his muscles sink into the mattress, heavy and sore with the stress of the past couple weeks.

But Mark couldn't sleep, through all the tiredness he was experiencing physically, his mind refused to allow him a minute's rest. Finally giving up, he slowly pulled on his night robe and headed into the kitchen for a cup of warm milk. The heated liquid usually helped, though what Mark was really trying to deny was the fact there was a lot on his mind. Many things had happened over the last few weeks and it was weighing on him heavily.

Grabbing his warm milk from the microwave, he headed to the living room to watch TV. Slowly on the couch, Mark flipped through the channels of info commercials and old sitcom reruns, letting his mind wander to the day everything had started.

It was a frantic call from his son which woke him up around 10pm a few weeks back. Concerned, he knew both boys, Jesse and Steve had gone to a cabin in woods for a weekend getaway from their busy lives. The party of the county they were in was not the easiest to travel through and there were forest fires not too far south of their destination. A worrying father had a sixth sense about these things and it only became more heightened when he got the call.

He had quietly fumbled to answer when he recognized Steve's cell number on the caller ID. "Steve?" he said into the phone, rubbing his hand over his face to wake himself.

"Dad!" Steve's voice sounded strange, a mix of confusion and worry.

"Steve, what's wrong? Did the truck break down? Are you ok?"

"No, yes, I… Dad." Steve seemed out of breath as if he had just run a marathon, "Jesse's missing, I left, the woods are empty, I can't find-"

"Steve, Steve, slow down," Mark could only hear the rambles of his son, "Jesse and you made it to the cabin?"

"Yes." Steve seemed to take a breath and Mark barely heard a sigh and the rustle of a couch as if he had just sat down. "Jesse only brought light beer so I went down the road a few miles to the last gas station for some real beer. I just got back like ten minutes ago and he is gone."

"Gone?"

"Yes. I checked the whole cabin and surrounding woods, calling his name but nothing. It's too dark to really see anything."

"You sure he didn't just wander after the sound of an animal or something?" Mark asked, he smiled slightly at the thought of his young protégé disturbed by a rabbit.

"He stoked the fire dad, it looks like he was interrupted and I highly doubt the man who complained all the way up here about how cold he was would head into the woods at night without his flashlight or jacket." Steve said, his voice appearing more focused and logical. Mark frowned, none of that seemed like Jesse.

"Do you want me to come out there?" Mark said, already sitting up in bed and looking for his shoes.

"No." Steve's strong voice said, "I do not need another missing person, it's too dark for you to drive out here. Let me call in a few favors and when it's light and if he hasn't come back we will start a search."

Jesse had been missing for days after that.

A sound on the stairs startled Mark out of his thoughts and he turned off the TV, an old Dick Van Dyke Show rerun flashing off the screen. Slowly around the corner emerged his son, Steve, he was dressed in a pair of shorts and white shirt and rubbing his eyes to adjust to the lighting in the living room.

"What are you doing up?" Steve asked looking over at his father, "It's like 2am."

"I'm sorry son. I didn't wake you did I?" When Steve shook his head no and Mark frowned, "trouble sleeping?" Steve smirked, his dimples given a gentle squeeze on his face. Mark knew that look. "Come on son, tea or coffee? I don't think either of us is going to get sleep anything soon."

After getting two cups of steaming hot coffee made, Mark joined his son on the desk outside, it was a warm night, even the breeze had heat to it. A robe for Mark and a lap blanket for Steve was all the needed to be comfortable as they sat quietly letting the sounds of the waves on the beach crash.

Mark did not want to be the first one to break the silence. Knowing how he was feeling, he knew it was just as or even more difficult for Steve. Mark knew Steve was a processer, if he wanted to speak about his feelings, it would take him awhile to formulate his thoughts into words. He was always patient with him because of it.

"Dad, this…" Steve started and then he sighed, looking at the waves, "I think of Jesse," another pause brought a quick inhale of air as he prepared himself, "this wasn't a case Dad, this was too… too..." Steve struggled to say it and he looked to his father in desperation.

"Too personal?" his father replied with kind and understanding eyes. "I know. Jesse is more than a friend, he is family."

Personal was not strong enough of a word. Steve had so much on his mind he didn't know where to start and if he didn't get some advice he was going to lose it. "Everything was moving so quickly, from when he went missing, to dealing with his strange behavior, to Paris Pharmaceuticals and then getting him back, I mean if we got…" Steve paused and looked down with guilt.

"Son, may I give you an observation from a father?" Steve looked up again at the waves, nodding slightly. "You, Amanda, myself and even Jesse had been going a hundred and ten percent until now, it is no wander that now left with our thoughts and no direct actions to take our minds start processing everything." Not saying a word but nodding, Steve bit his lip to stop himself from choking a little. The emotional stress extremely unresolved in his chest. "Its heavy Steve, on many levels. Jesse is not just a friend of ours, he is family. You always wanted a younger brother."

Steve smiled at the tease, but he had thought about it for a long time, he didn't know when it happened or how, but slowly over the years, the teasing between them, their advice to each other on love life, their shared ambitions and experiences, it had made Steve feel like he had a brother. When he had decided that their relationship was more family than friend, he couldn't remember. It wasn't unusual for him to have a protective nature that followed that dedication, especially with Jesse who sometimes was so naive to the world. His commitment to Jesse hadn't come without failure though. Steve frowned.

"What a big brother I turned out to be. I failed him Dad."

Mark couldn't believe his ears though he had suspected Steve's self-imposed guilt in the situation for a while, and to be honest, Mark harbored a lot of it on himself too. "Steve, you can't mean that you failed-"

"No dad, listen!" Steve said in his deep strong voice and Mark knew his son needed to share the heart of his guilt, so he took a sip of his coffee and held his tongue. "I wanted real beer." The man shook his head at himself, "and I left him." The words came out with a quiver and intake of breath. "If I hadn't left… five days. Five days he was gone and he doesn't remember them."

"Steve," Mark couldn't keep quiet any longer, the thought of Steve being there in the house when Jesse was abducted didn't sit well with him, "if you had stayed, it doesn't mean you would have been able to save Jesse. There is no way of telling what would have happened to you if Perris Pharmaceuticals had you as a factor. You could have ended up in the same situation or worse." Meeting the man who had abducted, manipulated and tried to destroy Jesse, there was no doubt in his mind Steve would have been killed and his murder pinned on the young doctor.

When Steve didn't respond right away, Mark continued in a whisper sharing his own fear, "I had one son missing, I don't think I could have handled both of you."

Steve looked over at him and reached over to squeeze his hand comfortingly. Letting the silence settle a little again, Steve's mind kept returning to those five days.

"Dad, what do you think happened to him?"

"Son…" his father tone was warning.

"Dad, you and I both know, we are the worse at letting mysteries go. I know you don't want me to dwell on it but you saw him afterwards, you examined him right? But you didn't give me details and to be honest, my own imagination is far worse." Steve's voice broke slightly at the end of the sentence and his father's eyes stared at his coffee.

"There isn't much I can tell you Steve," The voice was quiet and strangely detached, "but I can guess what you are worried about and no, there was no sexual assault evidence." A shuttering breath released from Steve and he felt relief in knowing that portion of his concerns could be wiped away. "Steve," his father put his coffee on the table and leaned over to him, "I am the worse at letting mysteries go but this time… and there was a time I thought we should try our best to help Jesse remember but after meeting that man…" he looked seriously into Steve's eyes, "I think even I should not investigate."

"But what if he remembers? What if he can't handle what happened? What do I do?"

"What do 'we' do? Jesse won't be alone in this and to be honest, more things may come out in trial. I just hope to God Jesse can get through it." Steve was surprised his father had shared his honesty about the situation and that they may still have a way to go with to seeing their friend on his to recovery. Seeing his father lose some of his optimism for a bit brought Steve to realize the weight and guilt his father was carrying as well.

"How are you doing dad?" Steve asked after a few moments of observing his father's tired features.

Mark took in a breath at his son's question. "I don't know," he said honestly, his feelings were just as cluttered and confused as Steve's and just as guilt ridden, "I just wish I had caught on sooner, I was so focused on what happened to him those five days and believing he had over work himself into some sort of break that I missed all the evidence of what was actually happening."

"Dad, you weren't the only one."

"No Steve, but there is a difference between you and me to Jesse. I represent his mentor, his father figure and not believing him was betrayal to him that I am not sure can be forgiven." Mark run his hand over his face.

"That's not true, Jesse is the most forgiving person I know, especially with us." Steve argued.

"That may be, but can I forgive myself? I went to his apartment after he checked himself out of the hospital that first night and he was drinking water, at least two glasses while I was there, the signs had already started and all I focused on were the alien abduction books he was reading. The look he gave me when I questioned him."

"It wasn't Jesse, dad, he was under the influence of a drug at the time." Steve put his empty cup of coffee on the table, then thought better and stood picking up both cups. "I think we need a refill, I'll be back."  
-

Steve filled up the coffee cups and started back to the deck to his dad. The sun was just starting to lighten the darken sky and while completely pooped, he still couldn't imagine trying to sleep now. When he arrived back to his father and handed him his cup, the older man was still looking out at the water and he whispered a small thank you.

"You know dad," Steve said sitting down, "after you visited Jesse and told me what happened, I didn't believe you. I wanted to hear it from Jesse's mouth myself, that's why I went over there that morning."

"The day he tried to hit you with a bat?" he asked and Steve nodded.

"I knocked several times and when I didn't get an answer I used my key. Right away I felt something was off when I could unlock the door but not open it." Steve glanced at his father and took in his breath. "He really scared me that day. Not only because of the bat, but because I thought he had run off again, my panic made me break in through his back door." He paused and closed his eyes, letting the steam from his coffee relax his tortured mind. "He was so vulnerable, I had never seen him like that before, fearful, anxious, scared out of his mind and so… so…" Steve wasn't sure how to put it.

"Almost childlike." Mark finished. Steve stared at his dad, wondering how he read his mind. Jesse had almost been in tears when he saw him, he had rambled, his apartment had been torn apart and Steve wasn't sure if it was Jesse who had done it or these phantom "them" that he had been talking about and then there was the cry for help at the end.

"Steve, what's happening to me?" he repeated his friend's words. "For a moment, Jesse recognized something was wrong. It was disturbing, I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to do, I felt helpless dad."

"You knew enough to consider that Cedar Lake facility. They were definitely handy in the end." Mark tried to cheer up his son a little bit but again Steve seemed too deep in thought too notice.

"The end." Steve laughed humorlessly. "Every time I thought it was the end Jesse would run off again." Steve remembered getting the call after the third-time Jesse had disappeared, a fellow officer had radioed into the station as a curtesy to Steve that they have found Jesse running around crazed at a warehouse. "I should have believed him when he said he had been shot at, that someone had been killed at that warehouse."

"How could you have known? You are a detective Steve, you look for evidence and if you don't find them-"

"No dad, it's not the same, if I hadn't seen Jesse acting out of character earlier, I would have believed him heart and soul. There would be no need to stop investigating, I would have believed him, I would have treated him like a trusted friend not a… a…" he couldn't say it.

"Steve, we should have all believed him."

It was hard to believe someone, when all they talked about was alien abductions and conspiracies. Mark had to admit, he had thought Jesse was having a psychotic break, hopefully a temporary one but he had been the right age for a large mental health concern to be possible and it had scared him. Losing Jesse to a mental illness would break his heart. "That Quinn fellow was good at what he did." Mark had to admit to his son. "I believed he was having a break. I even suspended Jesse unless he sought mental health, I wanted explain it to him gently but… " the guilt he had felt when Jesse had stared back at him, signs of pure betrayal and hurt, like he had never seen in his young friend before. "we argued."

"You were only doing what you thought was right for Jess and for his patients. It probably saved his career in the end dad." Steve leaned back into his chair and glanced at him.

"I was his friend Steve, I should have been better at noticing the signs, at listening to him, at trying to figure out the whole picture as if there was someone after him. When Amanda told me about the corpse they found with the same splinters from Jesse's story…." The pause only brought back bad memories to Mark, "I haven't stopped beating myself up about it."

"Me either." It was a soft whisper from his son that Mark barely heard. A jogger started by taking their attention back to the beach and they both sat in silence once more letting the minutes pass as the sun was coloring the sky in a light pink. "I keep going back over my steps over and over again, hoping to think of something I would do differently and it's just killing me inside."

"We can't turn back the clock son." Mark sipped his coffee, wishing he could also start the situation over with what he knew now.

"I know," Steve smirked, "I was lost though, I know how to take down murderers, solve crimes, but dealing with a friend who had changed so radically, who was themselves one minute and then the next you didn't even recognize them. I was so caught up in trying to figure out how to handle Jesse's mental state and my own emotions around it that I didn't seen the patterns or the crime behind it all."

Reaching over, Mark gripped his son's shoulders as he saw small pools in his eyes. "I understand you son more than you know. It was actually Amanda who had a more level focus on the clues than I did. She may not have known it at the time but her constant questioning led us both to what was really happening to Jesse."

"The drugs." Steve nodded in acknowledgement. "Something else I'm familiar with. I know the symptoms on a person. But it was easier to imagine Jesse believing he was abduction by aliens than taking drugs voluntarily."

"Steve, you should not feel ashamed for seeing Jesse as a friend not another case victim or suspect. It shows how much you care about him." Mark smiled warmly but Steve stood up and walked a few steps to the balcony and leaned against its railing.

"No, I just saw him as a crazy person instead."

Steve's grip on the railing was tight and his knuckles white. He was furious at himself for allowing first his friend to be taken and tortured under his care but also, poisoned for days without the support of his friend's trust in his word. "I don't know how he can forgive us."

"Steve…" A hand rested on his shoulder and Steve stole a glance at his father, now standing by him before looking down to the beach again.

"No. Listen dad, Jesse's nature is his loyalty, his trust, even when we have doubted others he has always believed in them. I may give him a hard time and we tease each other mercilessly but he has always trusted me and for the first time in our friendship, I feel I may have lost his trust and that's not an easy thing for me to deal with."

"Yes." It was barely above a whisper from his dad and Steve turned to study his father's quivering voice and worn face, his eyes with barely contained tears.

"Dad?" Steve put both his hands on his father's shoulders, forcing the older man to look at him. He didn't need to say it, something had happened and Steve's look was begging his father to confess it to him.

"I found him at the cabin." Steve knew this already, the fact that his father was telling him again meant that he needed to convey his experience. "I'd never seen him like that before."

Steve knew very well what his father was saying, he didn't need to describe it as he had witness it himself when Jesse had swung a bat at him. The man was short but at the time seemed even smaller, vulnerable, like all the bravery and happiness that normally embodied him had been drained. He had been broken in so many ways, the only thing keeping him going was pure survival instincts and paranoia. "He thought you were a threat? Didn't recognize you?" Steve spoke as his father nodded.

"He shot at me Steve." The words hit Steve like a brick, his father had kept that out of his official report to the police and he kept it from him until now. Steve could feel a sense of anger and fear start to crawl up his neck but before he could respond his father pulled away to give him space. "He missed. He's a horrible shot." His father chuckled humorously. "Look Steve, I know what you are going to say."

"Why would you keep that from me?" Steve barely breathed out the hurt along with the shock. His best friend in a moment of crazed drug induced paranoia had almost shot his father, if Jesse had succeeded in his efforts it would have ruined them both mentally and Steve may have ended up fatherless.

"I don't know Steve."

A sigh escape Mark's lips and he moved to sit down in his chair again, leaving Steve leaning his back to the railing facing him. Smoothing a hand over his face, Mark felt every year he had earned. "I know he didn't recognize me but even after the first shot he still wouldn't lower his gun, he was afraid. I asked him to come home to me." Like a son, he had called Jesse back to him, like he used to do for Steve when he would argue as a child and run to the park for an hour or two. It was his way of saying, everything will be ok as long as we are together, but Jesse still hadn't lowered his gun. "But he still wouldn't lower the gun and then I realized that he was afraid of me."

"He was drugged dad." Steve said his voice low and sad.

"He said I didn't care about him." Mark felt the sadness in his own voice as he repeated Jesse's words. He knew they were words of a tired, scared, young man who was experiencing a lot of unexplained things happening to him but they had still hurt.

"You know he doesn't believe that." Steve moved from his position to take up residence in his old chair again, keeping a watch on Mark. He could feel his son's eyes studying him.

"Jesse, went through an ordeal Steve, he shot Quin Tras, he shot at me, he doesn't need to dwell on those things any more than I know he is already doing now. That is why I didn't tell you right away. I know Jesse will relive those moments over and over and I am trying to save him from some of it." Mark felt the relief that came with total honesty with his son. He took a deep breath and watched at Steve was lost in thought. "We've all been through an ordeal."

Steve could feel it. This wasn't the end. His father, Amanda and himself had taken Jesse home after getting him check out at the hospital that night. After begging them not to leave him there but to take him home, they had returned him to his apartment, none of them wanting to leave his side and Jesse just as content for them to accompany him.

The apartment had been a mess, several hands made quick time making the place at least less of a hazard to walk around but there was still much to do. Amanda had promised to come by in the morning to check on him. This wasn't the end, just another walk on their journey to setting things right.

The sun was now up and the joggers were passing the house more frequently. Father and son sat with their empty coffee mugs, silently gazing out again at the ocean.

"Steve?" the silence was broken by his father and Steve just murmured back in response. "The question isn't whether or not Jesse will forgive us." A smile raised on his father's lips, "It's a part of Jesse to forgive, especially his friends. A better question is-"

"Can we forgive ourselves?" Steve finished for him, he knew his father too well. The man nodded.

"Exactly." His father confirmed with a smirk. "I think there is still much I need to atone for but I think the best medicine will be seeing Jesse return to himself and helping him get there."

"You won't be alone." Steve said and stood to stretch. "I think I may go to bed now." After a few moments of quiet stillness, they both chuckled as they settled back into the house, heading to their rooms, the clock flashing 6 am. Laying down they put their ghosts bed.


End file.
